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Out of Darkness



"I don't want to come and see your film because I don't want to fill my head with those horrible things".


I was a bit caught off guard when in a conversation with a prospective client this statement was made to me. I wanted to scream back at the person, "I don't want to know, feel, or have to live with the experience". Instead, I stayed calm and said, "I can understand that". The bluntness of the truth this person spoke reminded me of the very reason that the film, The Box: Out Of The Impossible was created. Many individuals would rather stay in the dark and unaware that ritual abuse, human sex trafficking, and torture are happening. It takes them out of what is called their "window of tolerance" in the psycho-therapeutic world and causes the person distress.


It is happening. Let me say that again. Ritual Abuse, cults, torture, human sex trafficking ARE happening. Keeping yourself in the dark does not keep you, your loved ones or your neighbors safe. Awareness and acting when you see something is when changes start happening. As recently as the 1970's, a blind eye was turned when a child came to school with bruises and repeated "accidents" causing physical harm. Teachers did not feel empowered or responsible to report. Physicians and medical professionals were not attuned to or likely to ask further questions of the parents. People saw it as "meddling in other people's personal business". Changes happened when professionals started becoming awake and out of the dark about child abuse. They started reporting their suspicions. Over time, children were starting to be removed from violent homes. It is my belief that changes can happen with stopping ritual abuse that happens in cults when there is a willingness to come out of the dark and start having conversations.


The truth is I created an elaborate way to protect myself and sit in darkness with the intolerable acts of violence that were my life. I was aware of the circumstances but disconnected from the emotion and physical feeling. I broke apart the incomprehensible events going on into "parts of self" that could act in accordance to the situation in order to survive. The psychological term for this is Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). DID kept parts of me in the dark so that other parts could go to school, interact, and grow. All parts had a job and it was important for not all parts to know what other parts were doing. Darkness between them created space to keep me from being overwhelmed. I too had to come out of darkness and have a willingness to see the unspeakable.


Many years down the path of therapy, I still had an idealization that the parts of me could be released and that what had happened would not belong to my one body, one mind. I did not want to accept that this was my story to own. I wanted to remain in the dark and protect myself from knowing hard facts. Facts such as: I was not loved. I was tortured by my family. I was hated.


When you see something that seems to hard to know or see, remember that the person who is sharing the message wishes that they too could say, "I don't want to know or see that". The ability to be empathetic instead of looking away from the story is powerful.


What I know is that the person who made the statement "I don't want to come see your film..." is already more aware and educated just by reading the description of what the film is about. That is enough for this individual for now and that is okay.





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